Warning: Overbaked sarcasm served with a sprinkling of mildly twisted facts and a side of puns.
So before we start contemplating life without Maggi, let’s find out exactly how old is this 2 minute delectable wonder. Well, its history predates my existence and also of most of those self-proclaimed “experts” who are calling for a ban on this. Really? What has Maggi ever done to you? I’m sure salt kills more people than Maggi.
So let’s start looking at the Life of the ban-ridden common man, on the brink of dooms day….. Life without Maggi:
- Your hectic college day (yes, organizing back to back mass bunks is no easy task ) just got over and you missed your incredulously delicious mess/canteen food. What would you do now without that cockroach stuffed idli or Dum(my) biryani or that lemon juice made from freshly recycled water straight from the principals commode. A quick 2 minute snack is what you’re thinking, but wait, its banned isn’t it. You can now go back to those yummy masala dosa in which a fly, dying of natural causes, chose as its final resting place. 2 minute silence for the fly
- Going for a foreign trip or the quintessential onsite assignment. Ah, 25 kgs, 2 bags, atleast two dozen Maggi packets, cheapest survival kit for a month (especially for those Vegetarians). Ma Ki Recipe waali “Maggi” to the rescue but now you will have to take your Ma only. Because some people considered Maggi as a threat to human existence ahead of things like cigarettes, alcohol and Chetan Bhagat. Oh wait, the last one was human intelligence (I mean..Dance show judge…really.
- Long and boring office meetings. Take a break, a 10 buck note fetches you your favorite snack from the vending machine. Return to the meeting completely refreshed and the strong aromas of your freshly cooked snack is sure to get some mouths watering. Not that the meeting will become any more interesting. Post ban, you can now add hunger-stricken to your meeting minutes
- “Don’t feel like cooking?” “Neither do I, honey. Chalo Maggi banate hai” (Let’s cook some Maggi). Sorry no more easy option out, husbands. Now you have the option of ordering in dinner, which of course comes from “FDDASS lab tested and approved” kitchens from ideal little Shangri-Las, with extremely competitive pricing which will surely not make an airplane sized hole in your pocket.
- Lovely Bangalore weather – “Yaar Chai ke saath to Maggi banti hai” (Maggi is the best accompaniment for tea). It starts pouring cats and dogs, you have your steaming hot tea, and in the absence of Maggi, having taken a “How to make fresh samosas deep fried in the Pacific Ocean” course for dummies, you spend the next 30 minutes gathering ingredients, another 30 minutes to fabricate 2 “on the verge of falling apart” samosas and you rush to the balcony looking to enjoy the rain. Alas, Bangalore rains, unpredictable as they are, are over. You can now enjoy the aroma from the nearby nala (storm water drain) along with piping cold tea and two odd looking food items which (till a moment ago) looked like samosas. Now its just BAN-galore.
- Met your old buddies? Planning a night out in your apartment? Hunger killing you at midnight? Sorry, please die as there is no Maggi. Or you can watch reruns of ‘Kyuki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi’, it has the same effect as hunger at midnight.
- Calling your girlfriend home for the first time and want to impress her with your culinary skills (like boiling water to the exact temperature, adding masala without it forming globules, achieving just the right soupiness consistency). “They” are watching and out of sheer jealousy have imposed a ban that will end your mis-chef-ious ways. Well, there are always flowers and chocolates and jewellery like diamonds, way easier than Maggi isn’t it.